What happens when life happens?

I recently had an experience that made me reflect on this. 

So, what do I mean by “when life happens”? 

With the expansion of the home office, we can separate rooms and create office space in our homes, but do our emotions, and feelings also adapt to the different physical spaces? How do we separate emotions into time and space?

As solopreneurs, how well can we switch our minds into the suited mode of the space we are presently in? Like switching a light on and off.

𝐎𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐠𝐞. 𝐈𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐱, 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐯𝐮𝐥𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬, 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐩𝐬𝐲𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞. 

A home is a place where personal situations take place. And now it is also a place where we work. 

So what happens when life happens at untimely moments? And personal and professional situations clash. In my case recently, a heated discussion with my adult daughter right before a coaching session. 

Was this planned? No, definitely not. Life happens.

While quickly making myself some tea in the kitchen to take into my office for my next coaching session, a casual conversation with my daughter suddenly turned into a disagreement, ultimately ending up in some door slamming 10 minutes before my first session with a new client. 

My first feelings?
Shaky, indignant, upset, bothered, angry.

How was I feeling before the disagreement and how did I want to be feeling instead? Curious, calm, positively excited, professional, human.  

As I entered my office after the eruption, I wished that I could just have some time to myself, and then go upstairs to my daughter, and we would talk calmly and smooth things over, and apologize to each other as we always do. 

But there was no time for that.

So, what could I do instead, with the now less than 5 minutes I had left, to be prepared for my new client? I wanted to have my mind free for our first session together and be totally present. 

First, I had to consciously tell myself that the time to clear things up with my daughter would come — after the session.

And now, I had to find a way to push my personal feelings aside for the time being and focus on me being a coach. For those of you who are like me, predominantly emotional as opposed to rational, you will understand how difficult this can be. 

So, in those few minutes, I stood at my desk and closed my eyes —

Consciously concentrating on my breathing.

This made me feel calmer. I sat down and then felt that I needed something to remind me of who I am when I am coaching. I decided to pick up a printout of the ICF core competencies that I always have somewhere on my desk. 

I find that scanning over the Core Competencies of the International Coaching Federation (ICF) or the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC) helps to put my thoughts on what I know, and what I am good at and focus on my role as a coach.

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐰𝐞 𝐩𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐬𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞?

As a coach, this means embodying a coaching mindset and mentally and emotionally preparing for the session. 

When life continues around us, a type of “compartmentalizing” our emotions can help us be who we want and need to be in that moment. Important is that we do acknowledge our emotions, and deal with them appropriately when the time comes. 𝑁𝑒𝑔𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑤ℎ𝑖𝑐ℎ 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑒𝑑 𝑖𝑛 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑡𝑜𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔, 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑖𝑠-𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒.

Here are some methods that I have since thought of trying before entering a coaching session to help focus on the client, maintain a presence, and listen actively. 

Read a quote, mantra, or written message to self that can help me be mentally in the professional space I wish to be.

Placing a special object that symbolizes how I want to be. Maybe with a certain color. (Chakra colours come to mind here). Or something that I can take with me if my coaching takes place outdoors. 

A self-drawn painting or photo that supports the mental professional state in which I wish to be.

These ideas can also be used to empty our office minds at the end of the day to focus on other areas in our lives.

If you are interested in sharing your experiences and ideas around this with other solopreneurs, come to one of our community networking meetups.
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